Halifax Floor Hockey League
Happy New Year folks!
The 2016B season came to a climactic close on December 19, after being delayed by the crazy climate the week before.
The Mighty Titans and the Slager Slurpin' Slayers faced off at StadPlex to vie for the HFHL 2016B Cup.
Well, most of them did...
The Slayers were missing defensive strongman Dave Martell due to a lower body injury, speedy forward Evan Canning due to an inner body injury, and superstar Assistant Captain Shanti Dogra due to an out-of-province injury.
There was much groaning in expectation of a long night from the Slayers' bench, some laughing from the officials ("going to be a one-sided show" said one), while the Mighty Titans showed nothing but grim determination as they prepared for a game that they knew would be intense, no matter who showed up and who didn't.
Titans captain Scott "Rocket Sauce" Cross advised his team to go all out. The Titans and Slayers had faced off only once during the regular season, and although the Titans won decisively, Cross knew better than to consider his opponents' reduced lineup as a handicap. "Give it everything you've got, boys," he was heard to say to his players as they left the dressing storageroom.
The ball dropped to kick off the grand finale, and right off the get-go, the play both ways was ferocious; clean but intense; with no risky plays, it was conservative hockey to start. Nobody wanted to let the other team crack the egg. Sergeant Johann Tienhaara was heard barking at the Slayers: "If we don't score first, we lose!"
The Titans scored first.
Scott "Rocket Sauce" Cross fed rookie sensation and 2016B scoring leader Gord "Jazz Hands" Caines, who manoeuvred around defensemen easily, then ripped a shot past Bobby "Basket" Zwicker to make it 1-0 Titans.
The Slayers didn't wait long to strike back. Shane "Hand-Eye" Erb set up J. "Jonathan Darnbrough" D., who whipped it over Mike "The Ace" Degrace, tying the game 1-1.
The heated battle continued, as both teams struggled to break through the walls of defense. Paul "2nd Goalie" Chang blocked Titans shots at one end, and Mike "Don't Even Try It" De Adder refused to let any Slayers into the slot, while Wade "Nullin'" Mullen nulled the Slayers' passing plays.
The Titans changed their battle plan first, moving back to the point for their assault on Zwicker. Shaun "Goodie, Goodie, Yum, Yum" Goodwin passed to Ryan "Milkman" Milligan to deliver the goods, making the score 2-1 Titans with a zinger.
Undaunted, the Slayers tied it up, as J. "Jonathan Darnbrough" D. hammered a shot that wouldn't wake up until noon, with a splitting whiskey headache, evening the score again at 2-2.
The only penalties of the night came along the wall, when Johann "Captain Hook" Tienhaara and Ryan "No Hook" Milligan got tangled up like a spaghetti monster doodle along the wall. Milligan went to sit for 2 minutes for Hooking, Tienhaara for Roughing, amid cries of "What the heck happened over there, anyway?" from both benches. The DA's office has begun an investigation into the conduct of the officials, while the officials have been sent to Chicago for a 2-week course in Getting the Bad Guys and Getting Away With It. Rumour has it the FBI have blocked off the wall at Stad to investigate reports of a UFO sighting during the wall incident. Both teams are still unsure of what really happened.
With both teams a little rattled, play opened up, and the shooting began in earnest. Degrace and Zwicker both stood on their heads and did backflips to keep the game tied. But late in the period, Shane "Shaolin shot" Erb notched an unassisted goal, leaving the Slayers ahead 3-2 after the first.
The Slayers were ahead going into the 2nd, but their runners were already showing signs of winding down.
The Titans had outshot them in the first, and they fully intended to keep blasting shots at the Slayers' net until they ground their short-benched opponents down like mealworms in a garburator.
However, the Slayers started the second period strong, and began a shooting spree that would leave the Titans frustrated by blocked shots at the other end of the court. Shane "Thread-the-Needle" Erb opened 2nd period scoring with a feed from scoring wizard defenseman Trevor "Lethal Autonomous Weapon" Wadden, making it 4-2 Slayers. J.D. followed it up with a pass from J.T. (the Other JT), increasing the Slayers' lead to 5-2. Shane "Earthbound Missile" Erb converted another setup from Trevor "League of Allied Wheelmen" Wadden to finish the first half of the second period with a trilogy. The Titans were now down 6-2.
But Scott "Rocket Sauce" Cross had plans, and they began hatching in the second half of the 2nd period. First, Gord "You Can't Touch This!" Caines held the ball away from the Slayers until he spotted Ryan "Cheddar Smokies" Milligan across the crease, and they connected to narrow the margin to 6-3. Gord "Hammer Time!" Caines again set up the play, feeding Phil "Osopher's Stone" Rodgers for a rocket shot commissioned by NASA, which burned a hole through the net, and is now sharing photos of Uranus on Instagram, closing the gap to 6-4 at the end of the 2nd period.
Paul "Cheshire Cat" Chang spent the break arguing with the officials that a team with less than 6 players gets 2 timeouts per game, "Look in the rulebook!" But the officials were too busy answering FBI questions about sightings of a UFO along the wall that contained a memory stick filled with photos of Uranus. The question of multiple timeouts per team per game remains a mystery to this day, though sources close to commissioner Marty "The Party" Kane say he plans to make an official statement to the press in the new year, summing up the multiple timeouts rule as: "Bite me."
Meanwhile at the other end of the court, the Titans were exchanging contact information with Phil "West Wind" Rodgers, who will soon be in Vancouver, searching for a ball hockey league in his new home town, as well as a small spherical object that might end up on the left coast too, but good luck catching it, that was one heckuva shot. Good luck in your adventures, Phil!
Back to the game.
Down 2 goals, Scott "Rocket Sauce" Cross fed the fire the Titans had started in the second half of the 2nd period, and opened scoring in the 3rd with his patented curveball blast, assisted by a perfectly placed feed from the corner by Peter "Highlight Reel" Hiltz. But despite continued pressure, the Titans could not yet put the tying goal past Bobby "Wick Up That Rebound" Zwicker.
The Slayers called timeout to relieve the pressure. Tired and barely clinging to a 1 goal lead, they knew the next goal would determine the outcome of the game.
The Titans were charged up, ionic, and ready to unleash lightning on the hapless Slayers. They had momentum on their side, and a fierce determination to own that momentum.
But the Slayers had the advantage of youth, with 3 young guys and a Paul "Old But Still Fast" Chang. After the timeout, they poured their energy into the game, and the Titans began to struggle to keep up. J. "Jonathan Darnbrough" D. tagged a pass from Shane "I've Already Got a Hat Trick Anyway" Shane, pushing the Slayers ahead by 2. Then Trevor "Love And War" Wadden put the finisher in on a feed from J. "Can I Please Have a New Nickname" D. The Slayers edged out the Titans, 8-5, becoming the HFHL 2016B champions.
Congratulations! And well played to both teams, it was an exciting match, the way every final should be.
We caught up with the captains to find out their thoughts about the hard-fought game. Scott "Rocket Sauce" Cross said: "Well it was a good, intense game. We gave it everything we had, but a few blocked shots made part of the difference, and the ball just never seemed to bounce our way. Ultimately, though, it was Bobby [Zwicker] who did a magic act to shut us down. He made the biggest difference in that game." Johann "Finn McCool" Tienhaara said: "Have you seen my razor? I haven't been able to find it for 4 weeks. Oooo, what's this? Now I'm glad I couldn't shave. Mmmmm... Want a chocolate covered almond?"
That's all for 2016, folks. Happy New Year!
Don't forget to sign up for the 2017B season. Fees are due no later than Friday, January 6, 2017. The pre-season starts Monday, January 9.
- Billy Concarney's younger sister, cub reported Tofuprima Vera
