Halifax Floor Hockey LeagueThis is a subject that can be a point of contention in some circles and a down right thorn in the side of others. This is of course the subject of Lazy Forwards.
Now, you maybe asking yourself "what does this have to do with Lost and Found". Well I will explain this connection clearly so as to make sure that those who do not fall into that category are not offended.
When one thinks of Lost, they think of one of two things. The first being a really long drawn out TV show that went in too many directions and then proved to be a total let down at the end of it all. The second is the sense of not knowing where one is, or of being left alone in an unfamiliar territory.
The Lost aspect of a Lazy Forward, is a combination of both of these definitions. You see, Lazy Forwards tend to move in many directions and then are a total let down at the end. They can be seen watching the play from the opposite end of the floor. Maybe even standing there while an opponent is with in sticks length and making no effort to pick the man up. This can be a result of unhealthy habits, such as smoking, drinking to excess or maybe even over eating, or it may be what is known as "lazy ass syndrome". A condition which can become a huge issue if not dealt with quickly. Symptoms of Lazy Ass syndrome are quite apparent and easily spotted. namely the lack of one's ability or desire to turn around and run in the opposite direction they were headed. this is called "Running back, or back checking". Another symptom might be ones initial. Initials like R.W., J.T., N.C., P.E., D.B., and many, many more are often associated with Lazy Ass Syndrome.
The "Found" aspect of this condition shows itself in the fact that often Lazy Forwards can be found not doing anything unless they have the ball. If they have the ball or see a chance to get a point or score a goal, they are all fire and vinegar and run like there is no tomorrow. but should this require that they run back and help out in their own end, well they are no where to be Found.
The league's medical staff have been keeping an eye on this Lazy Ass Syndrome and Lazy Forward issue. the chief medical officer for the HFHL had this too say.
"Lazy Forwards are often a combination of guys who think they are better than they really are, or those who are inflicted with Lazy Ass Syndrome. We see quite a bit of it here in the league and are working hard behind the scenes to try and come up with a treatment. Often times yelling at the player or constantly reminding him that it was his fault can have a negative effect on one's esteem even though it might shake the individual up enough to get them thinking about their sickness, so we are looking at running some advertising. We have 6 or more "bill boards" here in the league and we will try and utilize them to bring the message forth that Lazy Forwards can really hurt the team and Lazy Ass Syndrome is a serious thing when it comes to the defensive part of the game."
So if you are or know someone who is suffering from Lazy Ass Syndrome, the league is starting a support group led by compassionate goalie, Martin "Candy" Kane. He is offering free in game counseling and will continue to do so for the rest of this season. feel free to talk to him about this.
So here you have it folks. We hope that this brings some awareness to this debilitating condition and that we will all do our best to kick Lazy Ass Syndrome.
This is Billy Concarney saying so long and remember, if your getting yelled at by your goalie...then you're probably playing for the Chill.
(This message was sponsored by the HFHL Goalies Union. Any and all comments are directed solely to those who should here it and to no one else)